Chicklets




Note to readers: Most of these poems were written during my years in high school and my first year of university while I was away. They are very personal, so I would ask that you not reproduce them without my explicit permission. With that caveat, my poetry follows...

Peace

We take it for granted,
Until it's taken away,
When I am without it,
I feel so far and astray,

I go wandering without purpose,
Trying to find my way,
And I lose myself in the process,
Until I finally say:

I'm lost. Yes I am,
Oh please help me if you can,
Dear Lord I need you now,
And I can't help wondering how
I'd get on without you,
Dear Lord please stay by my side,
And heal me up inside,
Until I finally see,
And until I, once again, feel peace.

Looking Through a Window

The clouds are reaching higher,
To a place of no return.
The sunset goes down behind them,
And it's its rainbow-coloured turn,
All the cars go driving past
Like ants upon a hill,
And the birds are flying past-
I see a lark, a whipporwhil...
I was trapped inside this building
When I looked outside and saw
The most beautiful scene,
That I have ever seen,
Oh! The clouds put me in awe.
And I realized that life is short,
I cannot waste it here
In a place of many futures,
In a place that many fear.
I must now go home and live my life
While the world will turn and turn,
Many times I'll see a sunset,
And then maybe I will learn
To enjoy the present as it comes,
To live my life
right now,
I will probably have many dreams,
So I need to start living them right
now.

Nervous with Butterflies

Butterflies flutter
by through my stomach,
I can feel them over top my heart.
Last time I came, I was ashamed,
To be here.
And I was all alone.
But this time is different; I may still be alone,
Everyone is coming and they'll be here soon,
And the tour, it will begin,
Then we will all go in
Together, Together.
It's an overwhelming place,
And there's no mercy here, nor grace,
But walking through it sometimes will bring peace.
Quietness is precious
Though sometimes books are loud.
Even the aisles seem to scream at me,
And I'm alarmed.

There are butterflies in my stomach,
Raindrops near my eyes,
But I know I will get through this,
Yes I know I will survive.

Butterflies

Butterflies, peaceful and pure,
Beauty out of nothing at all,
Butterflies, can fly to the clouds,
Bees cannot get anywhere close.
Butterflies, colourful and bright,
Brightly shin
ing under a blue sky,
Butterflie
s, soaring so high,
But where are they going?
Butterflies, resting on
flowers,
Buttercups and daisie
s and the rest.
Butterflies, music into colours,
Butterflies are- The BEST!

Routine

Sludging through the
snow to my destination,
I do this almost ev'ry day now,
Sitting on the
bus, looking out the window,
Acting as though I'm all alone,
Talking with my
friends as I wait for the next one,
Cursing as another goes on by.
Trudging through the
salt to my destination,
Staring blankly as I walk to school

When will this monotony end?
Why isn't everyone friends?

Pushing through the
halls with a dead expression,
Running up the stairs to get to class,
'Why are you so
late' yells the teacher as I come in,
And I forgot my homework once again.
Whispers during
class , I find out what's been going on,
Passing notes becomes a way of life.
Shoving through the
halls to my next destination,
I think I may have just failed that test.

When will this monotony end?
Why won't all peoples be friends?

Staring at the
tube after school is a habit,
Trying to forget my mistakes.
I can't understand the stupid
jokes they are making,
I should do my homework but I won't.
Silently I
sit, waiting 'til the commercial,
Running to the fridge for nourishment.
Coming back again to give my
brain more harrassment,
I just want to go to sleep again.

When will this monotony end?
Who is there that I can truly call my friend?

Waking up to
face a new day,
I know myself, So I start to
pray,
That ev'rything will be
different today.
I want to have
fun, or maybe just run,
Form the troubles of this dark world.
Humanity
kills, and is filled up with ills,
Of
opressive behaviours and acts.

When will this monotony end?
Where is a place full of friends?

Realization sets in and I look outside at the sky,
The clouds are laced with
gold,
Fear can
never take hold,
Life isn't so bad, when you're not so sad,
Fill yourself with
joy for the whole world is your toy,
And nothing really matters in the end,
My friend.


Nothing really matters in the end.

Reality Check

I'm falling off a cliff,
Running down a mountain,
I can't see my feet,
But I know that they're still there,
If I didn't have a mind,
If I didn't have a body,
How would I react,
Would I still think it was there?

Sitting in a theater,
Watching flicks and majic tricks,
I wonder how he made it disappear,
Was it really there at all,
Is the woman really cut in half,
All this illusion,
How much disillusion
Will it take before we realize
What's really going on now.

Lying in a germ-free bed,
Wyncing when I turn my head,
To swallow 3 pills every day,
My mind was simply blown away,
When I started thinking about reality,
I questioned our existence here,
Wondered if anything was real.
Questions running through my head,
My life went on ahead,
And I'm still here, sitting down
While my prison-guard tries to change my mind,
Get rid of my frowns and help me to find

SOMETHING REAL.

Questions of Feelings

Useless. Wasted.
Was that my education?
I spent all this time learning
Only to forget
During a test
Which I really really wish I wasn't writing.

Depression. Sets in.
I didn't really feel it.
All my life I just ran away
Back into the fight;
Back into the night;
I just ran right back into the fray.

Confusion. Delusion.
Does my life have meaning; Is it real?
Wond'ring what the truth is?
Can it be there?
Why isn't it fair?
Pandoras' box is empty; Don't even know where it is.

So why am I even here?
I can feel something very near.
Comforting, so very close,
Hold me now and don't let go
Until I'm fine and the tears don't flow

Wishing Well

Wand'ring, Wist'fully, to the Wishing Well.
Looking, Searching, the dark waters that do tell,
Of myst'ries and dreamings
And shadows of feelings
That many a dreamer sat and thought right here.

Dreaming, Pond'ring, a life that is to come
How many people will there be- just one,
Or will we all be there?
Or copies with fine hair?
There aren't enough answers for the questions to come.

Questioning, Wondering, How we'd live our lives,
If we were living in the past- had husbands and wives,
What would we do with time?
Write poems that try to rhyme?
Or would we be sitting, wishing at a well?

A single drop                     

A single drop
 Falls from up high
   An angel's crying
     Not knowing why
       Their loved one's going
         And they don't know where.

A single drop
 Falls to the house
   The willow's weeping
     It's sad this day
       The family it knew
         Has moved away.

A single drop
 Falls on the floor
   The kids are sobbing
     And there's noone there
       The adults were fighting
         And they didn't care.

A single drop
  Soaks through the earth
   The rains are coming,
     The seeds will grow,
       Who's left to harvest-
         I'll never know.

Silence

Silently sitting and sobbing
I cannot hear they who jeer
I have no feelings in their eyes
I'm just a toy that happens to be here
Raggety-Ann didn't feel this neglected
At least dolls can have friends without fear
I am alone in my corner
Just wishing someone to come near.

Silently sitting and sulking
Why do they do this to me?
I'm not so different, after all,
To open my heart, all you need is a key
A key that isn't forced or mishandled at all,
A key that was used before to set something free,
Because my heart is a cage of emotions,
And I let them all out on my knee.

Hello Mr. Wall

Hello Mr. Wall
How are ya today?
I see you growing
I'm running away
From the terror you bring
Of the pain that I'm in
I want to go away
Just wait one more day, okay?

Stress

My life is a mess- it just doesn't make sense,
Everything and ev'ryone around me is tense
Life is just a hassle, thoughts another wall in my way.
I can't even remember how I'm supposed to say:
What I feel, what I think, so I'm writing it out,
I want to cry I want to laugh, and I do want to shout,
At a world that throws hurdles in my path,
At a life filled with chemistry and math,
Visions of teachers, equations, reports
My mind is a maze and strong like a fort
But the moat has dried up and the door's open wide
I'm overrund and all my problems are inside
I can't cope
With the terrors of the night, and I'm stuck here at last
Thinking ev'rything out- I guess I'd better think fast,
'Cause the walls are closing in and there's no way out
I'm going to give up, sit down and not even shout,
Why can I never find a way out?

I don't know


I don't know who I am,
But I'm learning ever slowly

I will follow the lamb
Though I'm weak and I am lowly,

But sometimes I will wander,
As life passes me by
As I grow I get fonder,
With your help I'll get stronger

So I cry out Lord-
That you would guide my thoughts,
I cry out, my God,
That I'd follow you path
Unto the end, 'til I meet you face to face
Until then, I'll rely on your grace-
To lead me home

I don't know where I am
Or where supposed to go,
I am so torn- as a man,
I know not friend or foe.

And I've made mistakes before-
Now I refuse to let go,
Because I know I need you more,
I need you like we need to breathe.

So I cry out, to you,
A sone who came to die for me,
I cry out, Adonai,
Why did you come for the lost,
All hope was gone, and I had given up
But then you came once more
Into my life- you've given me joy again.

I don't know what you want, Jesus,
But I declare that I need you,
I will follow as long as you lead,
I will follow along with the few

And Guide me back,
When I miss all your signs,
When I'm off track,
Led astray by worold designs.

So I'll cry out, Lord-
Whenever I feel I need
But please help me at all times,
I am a child of little faith
I cannot see your plan for me,
So I must trust that you will set me free
From myself and all the troubles that I see.

Trapped

Trapped. Inside a world we cannot leave without return
             The stars are close and yet so far
             We shall not see them close- it's not our turn,
              to go and see what lays beyond.


Trapped. Inside a country torn in two
             To help a friend destroy the world
             To help its people destroy a feud
             Between two languages- just two?

Trapped. Inside a province behind the times
             To change its ways has been a crime
             To learn new things, a faster pace
             So that we'll be no longer a disgrace


Trapped- Inside a capital so correct
             Not knowing who is right or wrong
             Not caring about the obvious truth
             Politicians misleading- what is truth?


Trapped- Inside this house I cannot leave
              Computer's down- so I cannot chat
             Friends are away, so I can't call
             And none live close enough to walk


I AM TRAPPED Inside my head-
I am SICK and TIRED in bed
I want to be free again
Lord make me well again

So I'm not Trapped

Rollercoaster


Why is life such a rollercoaster?
One minute I'm sad, the next I'm jumping for joy...
Why do I find it so hard to keep control
I feel so close to losing sanity...

In school , I want so much to do well,
But I can't force myself to work
I get behind and fall into a well of despair
And my marks are a battle within me

After school, life goes on, I suppose, But I just
Don't Understand
Why it is taht I'm feeling great, But I've lost my way...
The storm rages in my mind
And the habits are gaining ground...

In spirit I am wandering once again
Not really sure of what's ahead
I try so hard to do what everyone wants
But is there something I'll forget?

God is so good to me
A happy home
A blessed life
Gifts that set me free...

But I just don't know where to go
And I can't see the next turn
On the rollercoaster that is my life.

RUSHING

What was I rushing for,
All those other times before?
How could I have not taken time
To look at what is thine?

Rushing isn't useful
Except for when it matters
Like when someone precious goes astray.

What are we rushing for
Around this great big world of ours?
Those who live life simply
Are the happiest of all.

Rushing isn't useful
In fact it's less productive
And it seems all it does is lead the world astray.

What are they rushing for
Trying to get someplace fast
When all that is required
Is to get there at all.

So stressing isn't useful
For anyone involved
Let's just take it down a notch or two
So that we're no longer rushing at all.

Lying Here

Lying here I wait
Waiting to unload
The pressures of my day

Lying here I cry

Hurt from holding in
All that I
have lost.

I can't seem to figure out
What it is I'm supposed to do
And I don't want to wait anymore
I need to unload
I need to pray again

Lying here I wonder
How long it's going to take
For me to find the breakthrough
And stop making mistakes

Lying here I pray
That God would guide me through
Through these times of sorrow
And to what he wants me to do.

Ashamed

So ashamed
Of who I am and what I've done
I can't go on
Without his glorious love
He gives it freely
And he even died for me
But I can't accept it
I am unclean.
Dirty to the point of hatred
Past beyond those who accept their sin
I try to hide it
Make good to better it
Compare myself to other walks of life.

I'm so ashamed
Don't know why I
still live
I can't reason why
God didn't strike me down before
My sins forgiven
Time and time again
And yet I still keep sinning mo
re
I can't get out of the loop I
'm in
I'm so ashamed- Lord forgive me.
Forgive me yet again

I can't even Imagine

I see the beauty of your works, O Lord
And I can't help but wonder at your feet.
I can't fathom how you made it all
How creative you must be to imagine the mountains.
Here among them I keep seeing you.

And I can't imagine
How you could have made these mountains.
Every rock and tree and creature worships you
Until the end of the earth.

I see your beauty and your love, O Lord,
And I'm reminded of you every day
I can't fathom how you made us all
How amazing you are to imagine me
I don't need anyone to tell me who made me

And I can't imagine
How long it would have taken to make me
But you made us all in an instant
Perfe
ct as we are.

I see your wisdom
in your word, O Lord,
And I can't help but marvel at your glory,
I can't fathom your infinite wisdom
How knowing you must be to know all of me
In fact, I can't even imagine.

Ode to a Bouldering Room

Your walls are rough
With holds a plenty
To climb isn't tough
Once you've tried times twenty.

You move along
And the wall gets harder
My arms aren't strong
So it's hard to get farther.

Climbing shoes help lots,
But they're tiny and small,
They hold great on the rocks,
And yet I still manage to fall.

As I get close to the end
I try hard not to miss
After the very last bend,
The last hold I will kiss.

My Teddy Bear

So soft and strong and wonderful,
I feel so loved when I give a hug,
To my good friend, who always cares
My special teddy bear.

When I was young and not so strong,
It felt so great to bring him along,
In case I fell and skinned my knee
It's okay to cry when he's with me.

When I grew up and when to school
Left him behind so that I'd be cool
But every night he snuck up on my bed
The greatest place for me to lay my head

Now that I'm older and I've moved away,
I keep missing home and I start to pray,
I wish I could give hugs to a God who cares,
And so thankfully, wonderfully,
He gave me my teddy bear.

I want to be Holy

I want to be holy
I want to be pure again
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your eyes.

I want to be holy
I want to be pure again
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your eyes.

And I want to praise your name,
Forevermore,
I want to live my life
With happy dreams,
I want to lift up my heart
So we never will part our ways.

I want to be holy,
I want to be pure again,
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your eyes.

I want to be holy,
I want to be pure again,
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your eyes.

And I know you died for me,
And I know you set me free
But Lord I need your help
So that I can let go
Of the rope that holds me here.

I want to be holy,
I want to be pure again,
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your eyes.

And I never want to fall away again,
So please, O Lord, keep me free from sin,
And take me back as your child again,
I have a new life to begin.

I want to be holy,
I want to be pure again,
I want to be wonderful, beautiful
In your arms.

Worship

A time of joy to bring us to God
A time when we leave ourselves
And travel once more
Without the baggage of our lives
Without the hindrances of fear
We worship the one, the only God
Sometimes that's in songs
Sometimes it's through tears
But it's always something to come back to
Whenever we feel down
Whenever we forget
Whenever life starts to sweep us away
Worship is meant to be for us
So that we can give up
We all need a chance to surrender
We all need a place to download
Whether it be in poems, or art,
Or a time of serving others...
We all find God over and over again
So we turn back to him
Every time we've fallen
And he runs to pick us up in his arms
And carry us through hard times
That's why we worship you, Jesus.

Stops along the Road of Life
The tears well up
I've already cried in my heart
Gone through the stages
That follow life's hard spots

First comes denial
And I can't believe it's true
And I won't accept what's happening
First stop along this road

Next comes the sadness
A heavy state of depression
Can't seem to hold back the tears
Second stop
: I'm all alone

Third comes the anger
Frustration at the world
At the guilty and the innocent
Third stop: I question God

Fourth comes the shame
Of the childish way I scream
And the way I've been behaving
Fourth stop: Mad at myself

Last comes my Jesus
And he lifts me from my corner
Doesn't care what I've been up to
Last stop: I come home

Sleepless Discussion

I need to sleep where the stars sing to me
I need your guidance to know what's going on
I can't continue making the same mistakes
I need to breathe you in.

    One says to another:
    “I won't go there anymore”
    And she replies:
    “But you promised this time”
    Behind the door I listen
    And I wonder what it's really all about

I need to sleep where the stars sing to me
I need your guidance to know what's going on
I can't continue making the same mistakes
I need to breathe you in.

Discussion follows:
“Please- let me explain”
Debates continue
And they bring me in again.
I don't understand the language
Why can't they just say it plain?
And I wonder what it's really all about

I need to sleep where the stars sing to me
I need your guidance to know what's going on
I can't continue making the same mistakes
I need to breathe you in.

The clock chimes midnight
And still the problem is unsolved
There is no answer
Yet the discussion carries on
So many words lifeless and dry
They come together, and make me wonder why

I need to sleep where the stars sing to me
I need your guidance to know what's going on
I can't continue making the same mistakes
I need to breathe you in.

At last it's over
They agree to disagree
I'd prefer peace
If it was all up to me
My heart's unsettled and still I must sleep
And so I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

I need to sleep where the stars sing to me
I need your guidance to know what's going on
I can't continue making the same mistakes
I need to
breathe. I need to breathe you in.

There's no way

There's no way
That I could ever depict
Just a moment
Of your beautiful world

There's no way
For me to start describing
How much I see you
In every single day

And this is because you're so awesome
It's because you made it all
From the
grass up to the heavens
All of creation hears you call

There's no way
That I could ever hear
Every sound
That floats to my ear

There's no way
That I could ever see
Everything
In it's true glory

And this is because you're so awesome
It's because you started it all
From the birds right to the oceans
All of creation hears you call

There's no way
That I could imagine
Every thought
That runs through my brain

There's no way
That I can understand
How long it must have taken
To make me this way

And this is because you're so awesome
It's because you made it all
From the stars right to the mountains
All of creation hears you call

There's no way
That I could ever speak
A single word
That explains all you're worth

There's no way
That I could ever explain
All you've done for me
With Jesus' name

And this is because you're so awesome
It's because you planned it all
From the cross
and still to this moment
All of creation hears you call.

Mdumbi Creation

Wild horses block the doorway
Cockroaches crawling in my bed
A rooster crows on the windowsill
Geckoes living above my head

This is the place I live for now
I wish I didn't have to share it
I would way prefer it if we were just girls
But out here, nature rules

Mosquitoes buzzing in my ear
Sheep surrounding me on hillsides
Ants keep crawling up my pants
Stray dogs keep walking by my side

This is where I find quiet
And yet it's not silent at all
I would way prefer if I was all alone
But out here, nature rules.

This is God's complex creation
He made us all in our place
I would way prefer if he was here to explain it
But I'll have to wait 'til I see his face.

The bright side is I'm here
And so
I'll endure the bugs, and love this world.

Outtatown

I'm sad to see the year has passed
I'm so surprised- it went by so fast
And yet it seemed two years, not one
With all the learning, tears, and fun.

I've really loved hearing God speak
Learning new things from week to week
I loved spending time with friends I met
And trusting God so I wouldn't fret

As the year went on, God forced us to learn
We faced our idols and our hearts started to turn
One by one we began to breakthrough
Started to see God's hand, in all we do

We've met so many from all walks of live
Orphans and street kids, husband and wife
We've heard so many stories from everyone
When God created them he must have had fun.

Since the year first started we've all had a blast
Trusting the future, overcoming the past
We've all grown so much in so many ways
And still God journeys with us every single day.

Beneath the moon (For mother's day)

I love you beneath the sky
As pretty clouds go floating by

I love you beneath the sun
That shines so bright on everyone

I love you beneath the stars
Even beneath the planet Mars

I love you by day and night
No matter if you're out of sight

I love you North-East-South-West
Beneath the moon, I love you best.